


Team Spider-BOI

by AL_C_HOPE



Series: Marvel Text Fics [1]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bi Peter Parker, Bisexual Ned Leeds, Crack not taken seriously, F/M, Gen, M/M, Pansexual Tony, Trans Michelle Jones, Trans Peter Parker, Wade is Pansexual and that shit is cannon so don’t try to fight it, because I said so, every chapter has a fourth wall break, i don’t know what straight means, in crack, peter has a LOT of dads, text fic, this is a mess, tony cannot with these kids, trans author writing trans characters, wade Wilson being Wade wison
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-07-10 21:25:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 6,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15957848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AL_C_HOPE/pseuds/AL_C_HOPE
Summary: Mouth: Star Wars is dumbBoi.In.The.Chair: TAKE THAT BACK!SPIDER-BOI: can’t you two calm downMouth: NOT UNTIL HE ADMITS STAR TREK IS BETTER!Or Peter has weird text conversations with his adoptive parents, weirder ones with his mercenary boyfriend, and his friends are the craziest of them all.





	1. KIRK WAS GAYYYY

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys follow my Tumblr 
> 
> Main; https://error-im-dead-inside-error.tumblr.com
> 
> Marvel; https://steven-barnes.tumblr.com

**Team Spider-Boi**

 

** _~Members~_ **

** _Spider-Boi = Peter Parker_ **

** _Boi.In.The.Chair = Ned Leeds_ **

** _Queen_MJ = Michelle Jones_ **

** _Mouth = Wade Wilson_ **

 

 

 

**Mouth: Spirder-Man Spider-Man he can do anything a spider can!**

**SPIDER-BOI: tf is this?**

**Mouth: Your theme song babe!**

**SPIDER-BOI: I don’t have a theme song Wade**

**Mouth: Yes you do**

**Mouth: it’s just from a different world**

**SPIDER-BOI: ...**

**SPIDER-BOI: okay**

**QUEEN_MJ: What exactly goes on in that head of yours Wilson?**

**Mouth: a lot of shit.**

**Mouth: lately just ideas for Spirk fanfics**

**Boi.In.The.Chair: wtf is Spirk?**

**Mouth: Spock x Kirk**

**Mouth: Star Trek the best sci-fi show of all time**

**Boi.In.The.Chair: Star Trek sucks**

**Mouth: EXCUSE ME CHILD**

**Mouth: Star Trek is the best fucking show ever created. The blessing that we have been given named James T Kirk and his one true love Spock are the most amazing characters in all universes (except Peter) and let’s go on about Next generation and it’s FUCKING BEAUTY!**

**Boi.In.The.Chair: STAR TREK SUCKS**

**Boi.In.The.Chair: Star Wars is superior in EVERY SINGLE WAY!**

**Mouth: TAKE THAT BACK!**

**SPIDER-BOI: ...**

**SPIDER-BOI: I made a mistake introducing the two of you**

**Queen_MJ: Yes you did**

**Mouth: Peter HOW are you friends with this imbecile**

**Boi.In.The.Chair: Peter you are now single because none of my friends can date a TREKIE!**

**Mouth: Star Wars is dumb**

**Boi.In.The.Chair: TAKE THAT BACK!**

**SPIDER-BOI: Can’t you too calm down?**

**Mouth: NOT UNTIL HE ADMITS STAR TREK IS BETTER!**

**Queen_MJ: ...**

**Queen_MJ: i like Star Trek**

**Boi.In.The.Chair: WWWWHHHHYYYYYY**

**Queen_MJ: you want to be single to Leeds?**

**Boi.In.The.Chair: I no longer care who is a Star Trek or Star Wars fan because it doesn’t matter**

**Mouth: neither do I as long a I get to keep Petty**

**SPIDER-BOI: I have no clue what’s going on at this point**

**SPIDER-BOI: But Tony is calling me now so buy nerds**

**Queen_MJ: You are still the biggest nerd here**

**SPIDER-BOI: RUDE!**


	2. How about no.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MJ is 100% done with all these boys. Except Wade.

**Team Spider-Boi**

**~Members~**

**Spider-Boi = Peter Parker**

**Boi.In.The.Chair / BED = Ned Leeds**

**Queen_MJ = Michelle Jones**

**Mouth = Wade Wilson**

 

 

 

 

**Boi.In.The.Chair: Hey Peter?**

 

**Spider-Boi: ....Yes?**

 

**Boi.In.The.Chair: Are you 100% sure you can’t lay eggs?**

 

**Spider-Boi: FOR THE LAST TIME**

**Spider-Boi: I**

 

**Spider-Boi: CAN**

 

**Spider-Boi: NOT**

 

**Spider-Boi: LAY**

 

**Spider-Boi: FUCKING**

 

**Spider-Boi: EGGS**

 

**Boi.In.The.Chair: ...but like have you tried?**

 

**Spider-Boi: NO!**

 

**Spider-Boi: WHY WOULD I TRY THAT!?**

 

**Boi.In.The.Chair: so you can know if you can lay eggs or not.**

 

**Spider-Boi: WHAT IS WITH YOUR OBSESSION WIRH ME LAYING EGGS?!?!?!?!?!**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: why are you like this**

 

**Mouth: Are you doing drugs Bed?**

 

**Mouth: Ned***

 

**QUEEN_Mj: Bed.**

 

**Spider-Boi: Bed.**

 

**Boi.In.The.Chair: Bed.**

**_-NED LEEDS CHANGED HIS NAME FROM Boi.In.The.Chair TO BED-_  
**

 

 

**Mouth: seriously ?**

 

**BED: I’m gonna legally change my name to Bed Leeds.**

 

**Mouth: please don’t.**

 

**BED: Why Not?**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: Do you want to be single?**

 

**BED: No?**

 

**BED: I have the best gf in the word why would I want to be single**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: oh dear god**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: I’m surrounded by idiots**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: should we revisit the drug question?**

 

**Mouth: At this point I believe the answer is yes**

 

**Mouth: also I’m not an idiot.**

 

**BED: Debatable**

 

**Spider-Boi: NEITHER AM I!**

 

**Queen_MJ: You’re the exception Wade.**

 

**Spider-Boi: Ned do you have a problem?**

 

**Spider-Boi: should I ask Tony to help get you into a Junkies Anonymous group?**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: I don’t think that’s a thing...**

 

**Mouth: as much as I love Peter I’ve come to realize Spider senses don’t equal common sense**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: ...**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: I think you just successfully described his inter personality**

 

**BED: Yeah**

 

**Spider-Boi: I’m right here guys stop bullying me**

 

**Mouth: Nah**

 

**BED: sorry no can do**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: too much fun**

 

**Spider-Boi: assholes**

 

**BED: yeah kinda**

 

**Mouth: True.**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: it was never implied other wise.**

 

**BED: is that sentence grammatically correct**

 

**Spider-Boi: prolly noot**

 

**Mouth: now children stop**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: I wish**

 

**BED: soME**

 

**Spider-Boi: BODY ONCE TOLD ME**

 

**BED: The world was gonna**

 

**Mouth: no**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: no**

 

**Mouth: stop**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: now**

 

**Spider-Boi: fine**

 

**BED: but**

 

**BED: ...fine....**

 

**Mouth: Why did you two even start that**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: because they are memes**

 

**Mouth: I feel like author is just a little two bored**

 

**Spider-Boi:**   **Wade what author?**

 

**Mouth: don’t worry about it**

 

**Mouth: he’s not important right now.**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: Just when exactly did you loose your mind?**

 

**BED: about three months a I woke up one morning married to a pineapple**

**Spider-Boi: An Ugly Pineapple**

 

**Spider-Boi: but I love her so**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: STOP WITH THE MEMES YOU FUCKING NERDS!**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: also I was asking Wade.**

 

**Mouth: probably around 12 or 13**

 

**Mouth: some say 32 because of the Weapon X shit but I was fucked up long before that.**

 

**QUEEN_MJ: any advice?**

 

**Mouth: just go with it**

 

 


	3. A Wild Drunken Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Peter.  
> MJ taking care of drunk Peter.  
> Wade and Ned are no help.

 

**Team Spider-Boi**

**~Members~**

**Spider-Boi = Peter Parker**

**Boi.In.The.Chair / BED = Ned Leeds**

**Queen_MJ = Michelle Jones**

**Mouth = Wade Wilson**

 

 

 

**Queen_MJ: Do you ever do something and at the beginning it seems like a fun idea but later you really really regret it?**

 

**Mouth: No I’m perfect.**

 

**BED: as if**

 

**Mouth: or I just don’t have a moral code**

 

**Queen_MJ: Peter is drunk.**

 

**BED: My son is drunk**

 

**BED: Babe why is our child drunk?**

 

**BED: Who gave our first born alcohol?**

 

**BED: WHO?**

 

**Queen_MJ: me.**

 

**Mouth: why did you give my boyfriend alcohol he’s not 21.**

 

**Mouth: wait**

 

**Mouth: ur not 21 either why are YOU having alcohol to give to my bf?!**

 

**BED: actually crazy pants has a point**

 

**Queen_MJ: Peter got his name changed legally today**

 

**Queen_MJ: My dad gave us some shit to drink as a celebratory type thing and Peter had little too much**

 

**Mouth: How much is a little too much?**

 

**Queen_MJ: Half a bottle of scotch, a bottle and a half of cheap wine, three beers, about six shots of fire whiskey and some drink I don’t know the name of that’s really strong**

 

**Mouth: ...**

 

**BED: ...**

 

**Mouth: that is going to be a hell of a hangover**

 

**BED: your going to film it if he does anything stupid right?**

 

**Queen_MJ: Duh?**

 

**Queen_MJ: of course I’m filming him what type of friend would I be if passed up this prime blackmail opportunity**

 

**Mouth: What’s he doing rn**

 

**Queen_MJ: talking to a spider**

 

**BED: WHAT?**

 

**Queen_MJ: there is a spider in our plant and he’s talking to it**

 

**BED: oh god please tell me this is being filmed**

**Queen_MJ: I set up a camera**

 

**Mouth: ...what is he saying**

 

**Queen_MJ: “are you my daddy mr spider?” “I’m half spider” “did you fuck my mommy mr spider” “am I the spider god” “will wade let me top if I’m spider god” “hey MJ I’m spider god”**

 

**Queen_MJ: shit like that**

 

**Mouth: omg**

 

**Mouth: fuck**

 

**Mouth: he is never going to forgive you if this ever gets out**

 

**BED:...**

 

**BED: spider god**

 

**Mouth: we have to change his name to spider god**

 

**Queen_MJ: fuck yes**

 

_**MOUTH CHANGED PETER PARKERS NAME FROM Spider-Boi TO SPIDER_GOD** _

 

**Queen_MJ: thanks Wade**

 

**Mouth: no problem**

 

**Queen_MJ: “holy Thor I’m spider god” “mr Loki is going to be so low key proud of me”**

 

**BED: damn our son is drunk**

 

**Mouth: I’m sorry I have to go shoot my self brb**

 

**BED: Bye!**

 

**Queen_MJ: he just grabbed his phone and ran into the restroom.**

 

**BED: ...**

 

**BED: do you think he has Loki’s number?**

 

**Queen_MJ: if he does**

 

**Queen_MJ: should I stop him**

 

**BED: no let this run it’s course**

 

**Mouth: Tony just called me**

 

**Mouth: how does iron duck even have my number?**

 

**BED: Peter gave it to him in case of emergencies**

 

**Mouth: oh**

 

**Mouth: he thinks I gave him the alcohol**

 

**Mouth: I wonder what Peter is saying**

 

**Queen_MJ: he’s probably telling him how low key proud Loki is of him**

 

**Mouth: stop saying those words like that**

 

**Queen_MJ: do you low key not love Loki**

 

**BED: I think he’s a low key Loki hater**

 

**Mouth: STOP!**

 

**Queen_MJ: okay he just ran in here in nothing but his boxers and binder and scream something about my shower trying to sell his souls**

 

**BED: souls?**

 

**Queen_MJ: all nine of them apparently**

 

**Mouth: I’m going to the bar I can’t handle this**

 

**BED: aren’t you bat shit crazy**

 

**Mouth:  self aware***

 

**Mouth: but yellow is being a perv about this and white is being creepy so I’m going to think about something other that my mostly naked drunk boyfriend**

 

**Queen_MJ: have fun**

 

**BED: yeah my mom is leaving so I’m gonna take care of my little siblings while she goes to get her heart broken**

 

**Queen_MJ: yeah just leave me with the drunk teenage superhero**

 

**Mouth: we aren’t actually there anyways**

 

**Queen_MJ:your still being dicks by leaving me with him**

 

**BED: cool have fun**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have tony c:
> 
> and the avengers group chat


	4. A Drunken Spider Gains Three New Fathers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this a month ago but ao3 would not let me post it I’m really sorry (I’m also sorry it sucks so bad)

**Avengers** **Rule**

 

 

 

**~Members~**

 

 

**_Playboy = Tony**

**The-Best = Natasha**

**The_Deaf_One = Clint**

**Burn_The_Witch = Pietro**

**I.Be.A.Witch = Wanda**

**How_About_No = Bruce**

**Better.Than.You / Low-Key_Loki = Loki**

**Sparky = Thor**

**Yeeter = Peter**

**Capsicle = Steve**

**Bucky = Bucky (DUH)**

**im_allergic_to_Bucky = Sam**

**the.original. = Rohdy**

**Mr.Robot = Vision**

 

**Yeeter: Mr Loki**

 

**Yeeter: Mr Loki**

 

**Yeeter: Mr Loki**

 

**Better.Than.You: yes Peter?**

 

**Yeeter: you**

 

**Yeeter: You are Low-Key Loki lol**

 

**Better.Than.You: are you okay?**

 

**_Playboy: is this a code?**

 

**The-Best: are you in danger**

 

**Burn_The_Witch: should we come help**

 

**Burn_The_Witch: where are you?**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: have you been Kidnapped**

 

**_Playboy: I’m sending out a signal to find out where your suit is**

 

**Bucky: are you drunk?**

 

**_Playboy: he’s 18 he’s too young to drink**

 

**The-Best: yeah he’s not old enough**

 

**Bucky: me and Steve were like 15 the first time we got drunk the first time**

 

**Bucky: then again my mom gave it to us because the prohibition shit just ended**

 

**Better.Than.You: there is a special age for Midgardians to drink?**

 

**Bucky: yeah it’s a dumb law no one actually fallows**

 

**_Playboy: hey old man Peter is a good kid he’s not drunk**

 

**Burn_The_Witch: I doubt Steve ever done that**

 

**Bucky: hey @Yeeter do you drink kid**

 

**Bucky: and you’d be surprised the shit Steve has done**

 

**Yeeter: when aunt may says it’s okay**

**Bucky: you drunk now**

 

**Yeeter: yeah we are celebrating me aunt may and MJ.**

 

**Yeeter: MJ’s dad gave us some fruity stuff**

 

**Yeeter: really sweet**

 

**Bucky: my point is proven he’s just drunk calm down**

 

**Bucky: so what are you celebrating kid**

 

**Yeeter: I GOT MY NAME CHANGED**

 

**Bucky: that’s great :)**

 

**Better.Than.You: congratulations young spider**

 

**The-Best: Go Peter!**

 

**Burn_The_Witch: Hell Yeah!**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: congrats**

 

**Yeeter: I’m happy 😃 and dizzy**

 

**Bucky: yeah that happens sometimes when you drink alcohol kid**

 

**Yeeter: Mr Bucky?**

 

**Bucky: yeah kid**

 

**Yeeter: he’s low-key Loki**

**Bucky: you think that’s hilarious don’t you**

 

**Yeeter: yeah I’m gonna call him that from now on**

 

**-Loki Odinson changed his name from Better.Than.You to Low-Key_Loki-**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: my small child has renamed me**

 

**Yeeter: 🖤💚😍💚💚🖤💜💚💚🖤💖💜💖😇😍💖💖💖💗💗💞💕💞💕💞😍😇💕💗💜😍🖤😍💖🖤🖤❤️💛💛❤️❤️💛🖤💖💜💖💚💖💜💗💞💞💕🖤💘💘💕💞💞💗😇💜💖🖤🖤❤️💛💙💓❤️💛💙💚💖💜💖💖💚💚💗💖💚😍😍😍😍😍💚💗💗💚💞💕💘💘💜💚💚💚💗💗💚🖤💛💙💓❤️❤️❣️😇😍❤️💓💓💓💜💚💜💖💚🖤💚💜💚💗💕💘💔❣️😍😍💘💜🔐😇❣️💜💜💚🖤❤️💓💓🧡🔐💗💜❤️❤️💓🐍🌈🌈💕💜💚🐍🐍🐍☺️❤️💓💜💓🐍🐍🐍🐍💗💞💘💙🔐💓💞🖤💖💖💖💞💞😍😍**

**_Playboy: ....**

 

**_Playboy: What?**

**Yeeter: I’m yeeting my love and affection at Mr Loki because he called me his small child**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: thank you Peter 💚💖💖💞💘💗🖤💜❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️**

 

**_Playboy: I give up**

 

**Bucky: mood**

 

**_Playboy: don’t start old man**

 

**Yeeter: don’t be mean to Mr Bucky he’s my other favorite**

 

**Bucky: 💙😇😍❤️💙💞☺️🔐💞💙😊👑❤️💙🔐🔐❤️💙😇😍❤️💙❤️💙🖤😍🖤😇😍❤️💙👑❤️💙💙❤️💙❤️💙🔐💕💓💞💖❤️💙☺️❤️💙❤️💞💘😊☺️💖💗😇❤️👑💖💖👑💓💞💘💕💘💞💖😍❤️💙❤️💙🖤💗💖💙😍💞💞💓😇😍❣️💓💗🖤👑🖤💙❤️👑🖤💙❤️💙😍😇🖤🔐😇😍😊❤️🖤💙💙💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💖💗👑💞💘💙❤️💙🔐**

**Yeeter:🖤💚😍💚💚🌟⭐️💫🌟✨🖤💜💚💚🖤💖💜💖😇😍💖💖💖💗💗💞💕💞💕💞😍😇💕💗💜😍🖤🌟⭐️💫🌟✨💫💫🌟🌟💫💫😍💖🖤🖤❤️💛💛❤️❤️💛🖤💖💜🌟⭐️💖💚💖💜💗💞💞💕🖤💘💘💕💞💞💗😇💜💖🖤🖤❤️💛💙💓❤️💛💙💚💖💜💖💖💚💚💗💖✨💫🌟💚😍😍😍😍😍💚💗💗💚✨⭐️💫⭐️✨💫💞💕💘💘💜💚💚💚💗💗💚🖤💛💙💓❤️❤️❣️😇😍❤️💓💓💓💜💚💜💖💚🖤💚💜💚💗💕💘💔❣️😍😍💘💜🔐😇❣️💜💜💚🖤❤️💓💓🧡🔐💗💜❤️❤️💓🐍🌈🌈💕💜💚⭐️⭐️⭐️💫🌟✨☺️❤️💓⭐️⭐️💗💞💘💙🔐💓💞🖤💖💖💖💞💞😍😍**

 

**_Playboy: stop with the emojis**

 

**Bucky: don’t be a hater, just because me and Loki are his favorites and your just a useless old tin man**

 

**Burn_The_Witch: Burn**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: you need some ice for that**

 

**The-Best: all Gen Z kids are getting muted**

 

**Yeeter: hey**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: rude**

 

**Burn_The_Witch: wtf**

 

**Bucky: so that excludes me and Loki from getting muted**

 

**The-Best: no I’m counting you to assholes too because you both act like your fucking kids**

 

**The-Best: Plus technically your 23 and he’s like 18 or something based off of your physical or mental age not your birthday so y’all get counted with them**

 

**Yeeter: thats not how it works Miss Romanoff**

 

**The-Best: is if I say it does**

 

**Yeeter: okay**

 

**-Bucky Barnes changed Natasha Romanoff’s name from The-Best to The-Bitch-**

 

**Yeeter: NO BUCKY SHE’LL KILLS YOU**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: don’t worry I’ll protect him**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: plus do you really think Steve will let that happen**

 

**The-Bitch: Well why don’t we find out?**

 

**Yeeter: no please don’t hurt Mr Bucky**

 

**Bucky: Nat just chill you’re scaring my kid**

 

**_Playboy: ... WTF**

 

**The-Bitch: yeah I’m not really mad either way just wanted to scare you**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: damn that almost got crazy**

 

**Burn_The_Witch: 0 to 100 back to 0 REAL quick**

 

**Bucky: anyways**

 

**Bucky: congrats Pete**

 

**Yeeter: THANK YOU MR BUCKY**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: I think he’s your dad now**

 

**Yeeter: THANK YOU DAD!!!***

 

**Bucky: your welcome son**

 

**_Playboy: ...my Brian hurts**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: bye bye now son**

 

**Yeeter: WAIT I HAVES A QUESTION FOR DAD BUCKY AND DAD LOKI**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: yes son**

 

**Bucky: yes son**

 

**_Playboy: STOP**

 

**Yeeter: does that mean that Mr Steve is my step dad or just what?**

 

**Bucky: He’s your third dad.**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: we are all you dads me James and Steven**

 

**-Tony Stark has Left the chat-**


	5. ....Ezra Miller...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically snippets from actual messages (or conversations) between me and my close friends edited slightly 
> 
>  
> 
> Ezra Miller is a godlike human being 🖤

****

**Team Spider-Boi**

**~Members~**

**Spider-Boi = Peter Parker**

**Boi.In.The.Chair / BED = Ned Leeds**

**Queen_MJ = Michelle Jones**

**Mouth = Wade Wilson**

 

 

_**Peter Parker Removed Wade Wilson from the group** _

 

**Spider-Boi: MJ COME SEE FANTASTIC BEAST WITH ME TOMORROW!**

 

**Queen_MJ: Why?**

 

**Bed: why’d you remove Wade?**

 

**Queen_MJ: Yeah ?**

 

**Spider-Boi: he took Elly to see it and called me a minute ago about to SPOIL IT!**

 

**Queen_MJ: so we are avoiding him until we can see it?**

 

**Bed: gays.**

**Bed:Guys***

**Bed: actually gays worked. But Peter MJ you two  know it’s just another wizard movie**

**Bed: Right?**

 

**Queen_MJ: JUST ANOTHER WIZARDS MOVIE**

 

**Spider-Boi: HOW DARE YOU!**

 

**Queen_MJ: Harry Potter is the most beautiful magical world ever created! And Newt is a soft PRECIOUS creature who deserves love and respect you monster!**

 

**Spider-Boi: Harry Potter is the most amazing book series ever created IN THE HISTORY OF MAN KIND!!!! Harry and Draco’s FIGHTING(flirting) RON MOTHER FUCKING WEASLEY! SIRIUS BLACK AND REMUS LUPIN THE CUTEST COUPLE EVER TONKS THE WOMAN WHO TAUGHT REMUS HOW TO LOVE AGAIN AFTER HE AND SIRIUS ENDED!!!!! FRED AND GORGE’s PRANKS HERMIONES BRILLIANTS THE DEATH EATERS CEDRIC DEGORY ALAN RICKMAN HOW COULD ANYBODY EVER FEEL ANYTHING BUT LOVe for these characters**

 

**Queen_MJ: AND THEN FANTASTIC BEAST CAME AND GAVE US NEW LIFE**

 

**Spider-Boi: with Newt the soft Hufflepuff who cares so much about beast other wizards can’t love**

 

**Queen_MJ: and Queenie a beautiful mind reading goddess who falls for a goofy sweet muggle**

**Spider-Boi: and Tina the brave brilliant woman who falls for Newt**

 

**Queen_MJ: and a new villain who is going to be DUMBLEDORE’S MOTHER FUCKING SOULMATE!**

 

**Spider-Boi: and then CREDENCE who we all would have love simply for the fact that OUR GOD EZRA MILLER plays him but he also has a compelling and promising story line**

 

**Queen_MJ: Omfg**

 

**Queen_MJ: Ezra Miller 😍**

 

**Spider-Boi: they are so perfect 👌**

 

**Queen_MJ: have you seen the pictures from the playboy shoot?**

 

**Spider-Boi: 😍😍😍👅💦💦🌈☺️🖤🖤😍**

 

**Bed: last time I checked this isn’t a Ezra Miller fanclub**

**Queen_MJ: is now**

 

**_Ned Leeds left the Group_ **

 

**Queen_MJ:....**

 

**Spider-Boi: they are so perfect tho**

 

**_____________________________**

 

**Queen_MJ: BEST.**

 

**Queen_MJ: MOVIE.**

 

**Queen_MJ: EVER.**

 

**Spider-Boi: dear gods yes**

 

**Spider-Boi: Ezra 💓**

 

**Queen_MJ: Yeah**

 

**Spider-Boi: should we add Wade and Ned back?**

 

**Queen_MJ: sure just give me a second**

 

**_Michelle Jones changed the group name from Team Spider-Boi to Ezra Miller Official Fanclub_ **


	6. ...Ezra Miller... part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m bored so I wrote and posted a chapter or like 1/8th of what might have possibly been a chapter that I won’t finish

****

**Ezra Miller’s Official Fanclub**

**~Members~**

**Spider-Boi = Peter Parker**

**Boi.In.The.Chair / BED = Ned Leeds**

**Queen_MJ = Michelle Jones**

**Mouth = Wade Wilson**

 

**_Michelle Jones Added Ned Leeds To the Group_ **

**_Peter Parker Added Wade Wilson to the Group_ **

**_Peter Parker Set Ned Leeds nickname to Hater_ **

**_Peter Parker Set Wade Wilson Name to Sexy_ **

 

 

**Hater: Absolutely Not**

 

**Sexy: Ezra Miller is one gorgeous human being**

 

**Hater: Not you to come on Wade**

 

**Queen_MJ: Sorry he has good taste**

 

**Hater: so do I**

 

**Queen_MJ: Debatable**

 

**Hater: I’m dating you aren’t I**

 

**Queen_MJ: fluke**

 

**Sexy: Peter just letting you know if I ever cheat on you it would be with Ezra Miller, they are only person I would leave you for**

 

**Spider-Boi: as long as you know I’d leave you for them as well**

 

**Hater: guys stop.**

 

**Hater: they aren’t that good of an actor**

 

**Spider-Boi: they are a fucking brilliant actor excuse you very much**

 

**Sexy: have you ever SEEN We Need To Talk About Kevin? Or Perks of Being A Wallflower**

 

**Queen_MJ: Train Wreck, Stanford Prison Experiment, After School**

 

**Spider-Boi: Another Happy Day, Busted Day,JUSTICE LEAGUE !!!!**

 

**Hater: he sucked in justice league**

 

**Queen_Mj: screw you**

 

**Sexy: yeah just cause WE are Marvel doesn’t mean we should hate on DC it’s brilliant and deserves love too! Except Deathstroke he sucks**

 

**Sexy: I mean I only exist to poke fun at him**

 

**Queen_MJ: I’m lost**

 

**Spider-Boi: I always am**

 

**Hater: do I even want to understand**

 

**Sexy: Ezra Miller’s eyes**

 

**Spider-Boi: 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓**

 

**Queen_MJ: 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖**


	7. WTF Wade?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade Wilson breaks all the walls and i use this chapter for a short rant

**Ezra Millers Official Fanclub**

 

 

**~Members~**

**Spider-Boi/Super-Twink = Peter Parker**

**Bitch/Hater = Ned Leeds**

**Queen_Mj/Queen =  Michelle Jones**

**Sexy =Wade Willson**

 

**_Wade Wilson Changed the Group Name From Ezra Miller Fanclub to Super Twink Support Group_ **

 

 

**Wade: the authors sister called Peter super twink. Sorry Pete but from now on that is all you will be known as.**

 

**_Wade Wison changed Peter Parker’s Nickname to Super-Twink_ **

 

**_Wade Wilson changed Michelle Jones Nickname To Queen_ **

 

**_Wade Wison changed Ned Leeds Nickname to Bitch_ **

 

 

**Bitch:!!!**

 

**Queen: you didn’t even change mine, you just took off the end?**

 

**Super-Twink: I’m not a twink**

 

**Queen: yes you are**

 

**Bitch: you are the definition of a twink**

 

**Sexy: Babe don’t lie**

 

**Queen: I’ve never seen someone who is more of a twink than you**

 

**Super-Twink: Go chock on a cock**

 

**Queen: hey Ned come over**

 

**Super-Twink: EWWWWW**

 

**Super-Twink: THATS DISGUSTING**

 

**Sexy: be sure to practice safe sex kids**

 

**Bitch: well you are kind of the one who said it Pete**

 

**Super-Twink: !**

 

**Super-Twink: NEW TOPIC**

 

**Super-Twink: Who else thinks Draco had a crush on Harry?**

 

**Sexy: ...everyone? it? was? always? obvious? the? best? otp?**

 

**Bitch:a crush more intense than the one you had on Wade**

 

**Queen** **: petty boys with petty rivalries on there enemies give me life**

 

**Sexy: the author is cringing while writing this, but whole heartedly agrees**

 

**Bitch: wtf even is this chat and who the FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WADE**

 

**Sexy: this is fanfiction and that fourth wall is held together by two strips of scotch tape and a chewed piece of gum**

 

**Queen: well can you stop it makes us all uncomfortable**

 

**Super-twink: let him be what difference will it make**

 

**Super-twink: he honestly believes we are all comic book characters**

 

**Super-twink: he was ranting last night about Clint not being deaf in “the movies” honestly just let him be it’ll never make sense**

 

**Sexy: BECAUSE THOSE DUMB ASSES WHO WRITE THOSE SCRIPTS CANT RECOGNIZE TGE NEED FOR CHARACTERS WITH DISABILITIES AND UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT DEAF HAWKEYE WAS TO EVERY SINGLE LITTLE DEAF BOY AND GIRL AND NON BIANARY CHILD WHO READ THOSE COMICS AND FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE THEY COULD CONNECT WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

 

**Bitch: ...**

 

**Bitch: I feel like if you just calmed down this may make sense**

 

**Sexy: HOW CAN I BE CALM WHEN ENDGAME IS SO CLOSE AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!**

 

**Super-twink: WHAT IS GOING ON**

 

**Sexy: the author is using this chapter to release there feelings in a jumbled mess.**

 

**Bitch: good night I can’t read this anymore**

 

**Queen: I’d yell at him but I need to go take my E and I have a geography test tomorrow so night Wade have fun in crazy land**

 

**Sexy: night MJ! Have sweet dreams my beautiful child take care of yourself make sure you drink plenty of water and use the restroom before bed, good luck on your test.**

 

**Sexy: “don’t” die in your sleep Bitch.**

 

**Bitch: RUDE!**

 

**Queen: sure night dad**

 

**Sexy: night daughter**

**Super-twink: hey babe, do you wanna come over and watch Star Trek?**

 

**Sexy: YESSS, cuddles with my bf and Spirk!**

 

**Super-twink: okay I’m putting on the new ones, I need Zachery Quinto**


	8. Wedding Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone goes crazy planning a winterhawk wedding.

****

**Avengers Rule**

**~Members~**

**_Playboy = Tony**

**The-Best = Natasha**

**The_Deaf_One = Clint**

**Burn_The_Witch = Pietro**

**I.Be.A.Witch = Wanda**

**How_About_No = Bruce**

**Better.Than.You / Low-Key_Loki = Loki**

**Sparky = Thor**

**Yeeter = Peter**

**Capsicle = Steve**

**Bucky = Bucky (DUH)**

**im_allergic_to_Bucky = Sam**

**the.original. = Rohdy**

**Mr.Robot = Vision**

 

 

**Capsicle: MARRY CHRISTMAS**

 

**Bucky: I’m Jewish**

 

**Sparky: I’m a god**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: I’m also a god**

 

**_Playboy: okay so you guys don’t do Christmas**

 

**The-Best: Happy Holidays**

 

**The-Best: Hey Bucky, Clint you guys spent Hanukkah together right? How was that?**

 

**The_Deaf_One: it was fun, me and the pretty boy are definitely much better friends now**

 

**Bucky: Yeah it was nice to be able to celebrate now that all the shit has calmed down and Clint is a wonderful host**

 

**Capsicle: you guys are hinting at something**

 

**The-Best: what Buck you cheering on the captain?**

 

**_Playboy: as if anyone could cheer on Cap**

**Capsicle: you guys do realize I’m 100% straight right? And me and Bucky are just friends**

 

**Bucky: we joke about being married so much I think they actually believe we are**

 

**_Playboy: no we get that Stevie is a 100 year old Herero virgin**

**Capsicle: I’m not a virgin**

 

**The-Best: yes you are.**

 

**_Playboy: I doubt that**

 

**Low-Key_loki: he’s not.**

 

**The_Deaf_One: how do you know?**

 

**The_Deaf_One: also stop just lurking in the chats it annoying**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: i was send a horrendous video recently via email from one of our Captains dearest lovers**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: I still want to gouge my eye out from the 30 seconds of hell when it wouldn’t stop playing**

 

**Bucky: Loki I’m so so so so sorry**

 

**The_Deaf_One: no your not.**

 

**The_Deaf_One: Are you okay Loki?**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: I’ll never be okay**

 

**Bucky: I AM  sorry, I know how scaring it is to walk in on Stevie it’s one memory I wish would have stayed repressed**

 

**_Playboy: hahaha WHEN DID YOU WALK IN ON STEVE**

 

**Bucky: I don’t want to ever think about that again**

 

**The_Deaf_One: okau ENOUGH of this**

 

**Yeeter: hello fellow heroes!**

 

**Bucky: hi Peter how are you today**

 

**Yeeter: I’m wonderful Dad #1**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: How did you holiday go?**

 

**Yeeter: It was GREAT Dad #2 I got a lot of cool stuff and also Bucky and Clint visited me on Christmas and that was really fun**

 

**The_Deaf_One: Yeah Him and May invited us over for dinner, his aunt is a fantastic cook**

 

**Yeeter: she says thank you Dad# 3**

 

**_Playboy:THEY ARE NOT YOUR PARENTS**

 

**_Playboy: THAT JOKE IS NOT FUNNY!**

 

**_Playboy: STOOOOOPPPP**

 

**Capsicle: ignore him Peter Bucky Clint and Loki are obviously your fathers**

 

**Bucky: thank you Steven, and yes we have adopted Peter as our son Tony you cannot stop it**

 

**The_Deaf_One: I’m the newest member of this family and i think it’s wonderful don’t screw this up for us**

 

**_Playboy: so Clint how long have you and the bionic boy been fucking**

 

**Bucky: 3 months.**

 

**_Playboy: I was not expecting an actual answer**

 

**Capsicle: wait seriously?**

 

**The_Deaf_One: yep 3 months**

 

**Yeeter: Congratulations Dad #1 and Dad #3**

 

**Yeeter: now get married**

 

**Bucky: Not There Yet**

 

**The_Deaf_One: slows down kid**

 

**_Playboy: So Peter are you planning the wedding**

 

**Bucky: no wedding any time soon**

 

**The_Deaf_One: we are good for a while**

 

**Yeeter: I’m thinking Bucky should where a dress**

 

**Capsicle: yes he should**

 

**Bucky: how about no.**

 

**The_Deaf_One: Bucky will not wear a dress**

 

**Bucky: Clint. Do. Not. Encourage. This.**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: I want to be the Best Man**

 

**The-Best: I’m Clint’s best woman so you better be standing next to Buck**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: obviously, the colors should be purple and silver**

 

**The-Best: their ties will match of course and flowers should be?**

 

**Yeeter: lilys and lavander?**

 

**The-Best: ?**

 

**Yeeter: wild purple flower and white ones**

 

**The-Best: Yeah okay**

 

**Bucky: we are not getting married any time soon**

 

**The_Deaf_One: and when that time does eventually come me and James are planning out own wedding so stop this**

 

**Bucky: Yeah not you guys, please stop**

 

**The-Best:...**

 

**Yeeter:....**

 

**The-Best: so Cake?**

 

**Yeeter: maybe butter cream**

 

**The-Best: that sounds nice**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: actually there is an Asgardian wedding cake that is simply the best thing in the universe I’d be more than happy to make one for the Wedding**

 

**The-Best: okay**

 

**Yeeter: sounds great**

 

**Yetter: so Dad#2 do you want to help me make a playlist?**

 

_**Clint Barton has Removed Loki Odinson from the group** _

 

_**Clint Barton has removed Peter Parker from the group** _

 

_**Clint Barton has removed Natasha Romanoff from the group** _

 

**The_Deaf_One: this is much much better.**

 

**Bucky: agreed**

 

 


	9. Asgardian Cake May Kill Me

> _**Peter Parker MadeA New ChatGroup** _

 

_**Peter Parker Named The Group Everyone I Love** _

 

_**Peter Parker Added Clint Barton** _

 

_**Peter Parker Added Loki Odinson** _

 

_**Peter Parker Added Bucky Barnes** _

 

_**Peter Parker Added Wade Wilson** _

 

_**Peter Parker Added Ned Leeds** _

 

_**Peter Parker Added Michelle Jones** _

 

_**Peter Parker Added Natasha Romanoff** _

 

_**Peter Parker Set Michell Jones Nickname to MJ** _

 

_**Peter Parker Set Ned Leeds Nickname to Neddy** _

 

_**Peter Parker Set Wade Wilson Nickname to Peter’s** _

 

_**Peter Parker Set Bucky Barnes Nickname as Buck** _

 

_**Peter Parker Set Clint Barton Nickname as Dad** _

 

_**Peter Parker Set Loki Odinson Nickname as Murderer** _

 

_**Peter Parker Set Peter Natash Romanoff Nickname as The Best** _

 

**The Best: I cannot Believe Loki tried to kill ya again**

 

**Murderer: I didn’t try to kill you. I fed you.**

 

**Peter Parker: the cake of death**

 

**The Best: why was is sooo rich**

 

**Muderer: try eating less next time**

 

**Peter Parker: can’t too sweet**

 

**Muderer: child you are 12 slices**

 

**Buck: um yeah Pete you kinda pigged out on the cake**

 

**Dad: it was actually the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted**

 

**Dad: Asgardians are crazy**

 

**Muderer: babies**

 

**Peter’s: um babe are you guys okay?**

 

**Peter Parker: Asgardian Wedding Cake is EVIL**

 

**Murderer: it’s not that rich**

 

**Peter Parker: my stomach**

 

**Dad: kid maybe just eat a little less next time and you won’t get so sick**

 

**Dad: also it was REALLY REALLY rich**

 

**Dad: it makes that chocolate cake Tony buys seem bland**

 

**Buck: I loved it**

 

**Buck: but will not be eating it again for a long time**

 

**Dad: not for a few years**

 

**Murderer: at your wedding next fall**

 

**The Best: I’m think November 12th**

 

**Peter’s: wait Bucky is getting married**

 

**Buck: No.**

 

**Dad: No**

 

**Murderer: yes I’m fall 2020 to Clint**

 

**Murderer: most likely on the 12th**

 

**Dad: we’ve been dating for under a year stop this**

 

**The Best: can’t sorry your our otp**

 

**Peter Parker: 🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜 **🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜** **🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜 **🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜** **🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤💜******

 

******Peter Parker: IM A GROWING BOI I NEED MARRIED HEALTHY LOVING PARENTS** ** **

 

******Dad: I wake up at noon everyday and am living on coffee and self deprecation for the past 36 years, I ran away to join the circus when I was 10 and am a deaf dumbass running with the avengers. How is that a healthy parent?** ** **

 

******Buck: I’m a 100 year old soldier full of ptsd and regret and I have a coffee addiction almost as bad as Clint’s who is completely out of time and am stuck with Steve as my best friend. How is THAT a healthy parent?** ** **

 

******Peter Parker: one Captain America is gReAt** ** **

 

******Peter Parker: two yOu WhErE iN tHe CiRcUs?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!** ** **

 

******Dad: KID STOP** ** **

 

******The Best: sorry he can’t Your his OTP too** ** **

 

******_Clint Barton has Removed Buck Barnes From The Group_ ** ** **

 

******_Clint Barton has Left The Group_ ** ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fallow me tumblrs 
> 
>  
> 
> Main= https://error-im-dead-inside-error.tumblr.com
> 
> Marvel= https://steven-barnes.tumblr.com


	10. Maybe Winter (for the puns)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet soft fluff w/ Clint and Bucky, sorry it’s so short, and took so long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I’m so sorry I haven’t updated in a while I got grounded and then had some school shit up i’ll TRY to be better about updating reasonably
> 
>  
> 
> (also thank you guys for reading this mess I love all of you)

- **like lovers do** -

**~members~**

**Doll = Clint**

**No. = Bucky**

 

**Doll: sorry babe I just cannot handle any more of those ficking kids and their pushing**

 

**No.: I am 85% sure that Loki, Wade and Nat are all adults, and older than you...**

 

**Doll: why only 85%?**

 

**No.: I think I read something about Loki being around like 17 or 18 by our standards like Asgard age vs Earth age**

 

**Doll: I think Loki is just a dick**

 

**Doll: like we get along I guess but I cannot stand being too close to him without fearing I g he is going to attack being around him has turned into a big trigger for my anxiety...**

 

**No.: I’m sorry love, we really need to find a less tactical way to comfort each other**

 

**Doll: phone sex isn’t Tactical but you won’t do that**

 

**No.: nothing sexual over the phones because these are Stark phones and I 110% believe he would hack them in under 2 seconds anywjen and the world and have full access to everything**

 

**Doll: I mean he probably but I doubt he would**

 

**Doll: but no I’m still surprised Loki didn’t go for the chance that was sitting there**

 

**No.: what**

 

**Doll: in their weird control freak this is your marriage date thing Loki said fall, common why not let the Winter Soldier get married in WINTER **

 

**No.: loser**

 

**Doll: yet who has there moth streak he’d around whose cock last night**

 

**No: PG**

 

**Doll: nah**

 

**~~~[three hours later]**

 

**No.: hey Clint**

 

**Doll: yes Bucky**

 

**No.: you do know I love you right?**

 

**Doll: Yeah gorgeous**

 

**Doll: I know. You know that I love you right?**

 

**No.: yeah doll, and I can’t stop thinking about how wonderful that is**

**No.: I know 4 months is a short window of time, but we also have 2 and a 1/2 years of friendship and pinning too, so I need to make my intentions clear. Clinton Francis Fucking Barton, I love you, I think you are a walking disaster, but God Clint I love you, even though you nearly always bruise and bandages covering your skin and a horrible tendency to run straight into danger I still want to fallow you, ass, and with the exception of Steve and my sisters I don’t think I’ve ever cared about someone half as much as I care about you so I have tote you know, for me this isn’t some fling, even though I’m not picturing some white and purple wedding next fall or winter or whatever and I don’t plan on saying any vows in front of a rabbi anytime soon**

 

**No.: I do plan on one day calling you my husband not just my fella**

 

**Doll: I want to be a Barnes. Every time I think too much about my dad or my brother I’m filled with hate, one day and yeah not too soon, I want to be Clint Barnes, James Barnes fella, his man, his husband, whatever label we use, I just wanna be yours**

 

**Doll: I love you**

 

**No.: I love you too Clint**

 

**Doll: it’ll be in the winter, and no Asgardian cake**

 

**No.: yeah maybe winter, for your puns, and we are not letting those weirdos plan it**

 

**No.: I can’t wait to be back so I can kiss you silly as soon as we are back at the tower Doll**

 

**Doll: I miss you too gorgeous, I’ll see you tomorrow**

 

**No.: get some sleep baby I’ll be home soon**


	11. Tony needs a break

**Avengers Rule**

**~Members~**

**_Playboy = Tony**

**The-Best = Natasha**

**The_Deaf_One = Clint**

**Burn_The_Witch = Pietro**

**I.Be.A.Witch = Wanda**

**How_About_No = Bruce**

**Low-Key_Loki = Loki**

**Sparky = Thor**

**Yeeter = Peter**

**Capsicle = Steve**

**Bucky = Bucky (DUH)**

**im_allergic_to_Bucky = Sam**

**the.original. = Rohdy**

**Mr.Robot = Vision**

 

 

 

 

 

**Yeeter: I’m sorry Clint**

 

**Yeeter: I’m sorry Bucky**

 

**Low-Key_Loki: I apologize too, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Clint our relationship is rocky at best and I truly do wish to gain your trust, I know they way I hurt you during that battle, that I  invaded you in a horrible way but I want to be a good person and I want to be someone worthy of your friendship and pushing and teasing at your relationship and pushing those boundaries was incredible inconsiderate and I thoroughly wish to help you feel more comfortable again.**

 

**The-Best: damn I wasn’t expecting that Loki, but I am sorry too Clint that was kinda shitty**

 

**The_Deaf_One: wow**

 

**The_Deaf_One: um apology accepted guys? Just please back off? Me and Bucky are actually really happy and all of y’all’s pushing did  make booth of us really uncomfortable**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: hey Clint where is Bucky or  Steve or Sam or Tony or Vision for that matter they are all gone?**

 

**How_About_No: they are going after Doom again**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: WHAT!?**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: WHY ARE WE JUST SITTING HERE THEN!!????**

 

**The-Best: because they don’t need us rn...? They can handle it this time**

 

**the.original: okay so I’m kinda confused and just popping because i’ve been busy being an adult and keeping Tony out of trouble but wtf is going on??? Bucky is dating Clint cool. How and why are Loki Peter and Nat being assholes about it? Since when does Loki know how to say sorry? Why is Tony no longer in the group chat? AND Why are they fighting Doom?**

 

**Yeetet: oh well Tony got annoyed with me calling Bucky Loki and Clint my DAD’s and left the chat  then we found out Dad Bucky and Dad Clint had been together for like 9 months and me and Ms Natasha and Dad Loki got excited and started planning their wedding and that made both of them freak the fuck out, Dad Loki isn’t a bad guy and because apparently they don’t need the whole team?**

 

**The-Best: yeah I think that’s it**

 

**It.Be.A.Witch: oh yeah and apparently my dead babies are reincarnation**

 

**the.original: WTF**

 

**It.Be.A.Witch: yeah their names are Tommy and Billy they have Peitro’s and my powers well Tommy has Peitro’s and Billy has minr**

 

**the.orignial: WTF????!!!!!**

 

**Yeeter: I haven’t heard shot about that**

 

**The_Dead_One: wait aren’t those the Wiccan and Speed kids Kate has been hanging around????**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: yezz**

 

**The-Best: yeah**

 

**Yeeter: WHO YHE FUCKIS KATE???**

 

**the.orignal: I’m so fucking confused right now**

 

**The_Deaf_One: Kate is my little prodigy, the other Hawkeye**

 

**Yeeter: ...**

 

**the.original: ...**

 

**The-Best: she’s awesome,**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: Isn’t she the one who recruited Scott’s kid Cassie?**

 

**The_Deaf_One: Nah Cassie recruited herself, she didn’t need the others to do what she does**

 

**The_Deaf_One: Scott was so proud of his  little girl**

 

**I.Be.A.Witch: who was is who recruited Billy’s bf Teddy? That was  Eli right?**

 

**The_Deaf_One: nah I think Vision brought Teddy in**

 

**Yeeter: bye**

 

**the.original: I don’t want to understand this fucked up family tree**

 

**the.original: bye**

 

**__James _Rhodes has left the chat_**

**_Peter Parker has left ~~~~the chat_ **


	12. I don’t know what I did

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch Umbrella Academy it’s great
> 
> This chapter is sooooooo weird I’m so sorry

**Super Twink Support Group**

 

 

 

 

**Super-Twink = Peter Parker**

**Hater = Ned Leeds**

**Queen = Michelle Jones**

**Sexy =Wade Willson**

 

 

 

 

**Hater: If i eat 12 lbs of raw cookie dough what'll happen**

**Super-Twink:  you'd be a pussy eat 15**

**Sexy: well salemomela may be fun**

**Super-Twink: Salmonella***

**Queen: Men.**

**Hater: what does that mean?!**

**Queen: ugh, why did you eat that much cookie dough, where did you even get it???**

**Hater:that information is classified**

**Super-Twink: I dont think i even want to know**

**Sexy: i do**

**Hater: you want sum**

**Sexy: yes**

**Super-Twink: no**

**Sexy: I cant get sick**

**Sexy: so y no**

**Super-Twink: umm it's bad for you**

**Queen: threaten him with sex Pete it's how i make Ned behave**

**Super-Twink: ...**

**Sexy: ...**

**Hater:  ilu**

**Queen: go to a hospital**

**Queen: ilu2**

**Sexy: ...**

**Super-Twink: Wade you wanna come over and watch Umbrella Academy**

**Queen: haven't you already watched that show 5 times all the way through since it was released and read the comics??? U wanna watch it again**

**Sexy: The author just made both of his sibling watch it with him because he couldn't get them to read the comics, i'm fairly certain he's pushing his minor addiction onto Peter because he feels like the show needs even more promo**

**Super-Twink: ...what?**

**Queen: ....**

**Queen: why is this chat like the comment section of a tumblr post minus the porn bots**

**Sexy: it's not like the comment section of a tumblr post**

**Queen: i think it's worse**

**Sexy: i can get us a porn bot**

**Super-Twink: i dont wanna understand**

**Super-Twink: please stop talking about porn bots this chat is fucking PG**

**Sexy: fuck no it isn't this motha fucking god damn chat is so fucking R rated**

**Queen: su=hut up**

**Sexy:... su=hut up**

**Super-Twink: su=hut up**

**_Michelle Jones has changed her nickname to Su=hut.Up_ **

**Su-hut.Up: i stand by this**

**Hater: love you baby**

**Hater: im sick**

**Su=hut.Up: su=hut up u did it to ur self**

**_Ned Leeds changed Michelle Jones nickname to MJ_ **

**MJ: bitch**

**Sexy: su=hut up Ned**

**Super-Twink: leave her alone**

**MJ: this chat is fucking stupid**

**Super-Twink: Wade I'd leave you for Robert Sheehan**

**Sexy: i dont blame u**

**MJ: Robert Sheehan is fucking hot**

**MJ: Y are we talking about umbrella academy again?**

**Hater: because Pete is prolly watching it again and trying not to just go off about how gay he is for Robert Sheehan**

**MJ: mood**

**Sexy: yea the author is lazy and projecting**

**Hater: Honestly MJ id never leave u 4 him**

**Sexy: because ud never get the chance**

**MJ: None of us would?**

**Sexy: Pete could.**

**Sexy: Just make a sex tape and i'll probably be perfectly happy**

**Super-Twink: nah it'd be open so i could be with you Ezra Miller and Robert Sheehan**

**Hater: not possible**

**Super-Twink: could be**

**MJ: not really**

**Sexy: i believe in u babe**

**Super-Twink: no u dont**

**Super-Twink: why haven't i watch star wars in 6 months**

**Sexy: because normal people dont binge watch all the star wars movies other month**

**Hater: bc the Vengers been keepin u 2 busy 4 u 2 wach dem w me**

**MJ: my head hurts from reading this. Did you all forget English**

**Sexy: p3tty much eng 2 hrd 4 my brian**

**Super-Twink: idfkwurta wracnfadospgb**

**MJ:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Hater: isn't it obvy? "i dont fucking know what you are talking about. we are acting completly normal for a duo of super powered gay boy**

**MJ: did he send u that in a private message**

**Hater: .............no**

**Super-Twink: ...... hdu**

**Sexy: this fic has lost all it's readers due to this bull shit**

**Sexy: but we need more words to reach 666 4 this chapeter**

**Super-Twink: what r u talking about**

**Sexy: ugh it's like u don't know what fanfiction MEANS**

**Sexy: i mean at this point there isn't even a fourth wall left i've peeled off that scotch tape and gum and am just yelling though the whole**

**MJ: Peter you bf is has gon crazy**

**Supper-Twink: ik**


	13. Adventures in coffee addiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am sorry.

****

**Super Twink Support Group**

 

 

 

 

**Super-Twink = Peter Parker**

**Hater = Ned Leeds**

**MJ = Michelle Jones**

**Sexy =Wade Willson**

 

**Sexy: i can't believe the author forgot us fpr almost a solid two months.**

 

**Hater:do you like have an off switch**

 

**Super-Twink: yeah it's his mouth, if it's busy enough he shuts up.**

 

**Hater:How do you keep his mouth busy enough to make him shut up he guy still makes noiced and talks while he eats**

 

**MJ: maybe Peter just makes him eat something difrent**

 

**Super-Twink: yeah thats pretty much it the only way to make Wade shut up is if i sit on his face.**

 

**Hater: OMFG I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

 

**Super-Twink: wwll now you do so....**

 

**MJ; I'M just suprised you didn't imedietly know thta si wat eh mnt**

 

**Sexy: u kay their child**

 

**MJ: i just drank a lot of coffee**

 

**MJ: i can feel the membranes of my body vibrating**

 

**Sexy: should we call bruce or stephan or someone**

**Hater: probably.**

 

_**Peter Parker had added Clint Barton** _

 

_**Peter PArker has added Bucky Barns** _

 

_**Peter Parker has added Stephan Strange** _

 

_**Peter Parker has added Bruce Banner** _

 

_**Peter Parker has changed Clint Barton's nickname to Arrow.coffee.dad** _

 

_**Peter Parker has changed Bucky Barnes nickname to Gun.coffee.dad** _

 

_**Peter Parker has changed Stephan Strange's nickname to DR.DR** _

 

_**Peter Parker has changed Bruce Banner's Smexy** _

 

 

**Super-Twink: how much coffee do you need to drink before it can kill you?**

 

**DR.DR: why would i know that?**

 

**Gun.coffee.dad: 30 8 oz cups in an hour.**

 

**Arrow.coffee.dad:30 8 oz cups in an hour.**

 

**Smexy:** **30 8 oz cups in an hour.**

 

**DR.DR: of course you three would know that.**

 

**Sexy: hey MJ how much coffee have you drank.**

 

**MJ: 10 pots**

 

**DR.DR: 10 POTS! CHILD WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU NEED THAT MUCH COFFEE!**

 

**Arrow.coffee.dad: okay me and Bucky are coming to take you to the hospital**

 

**MJ: finals.**

 

**Super-Twink: i mixed for red bulls, 20 five hopur energies and a cup of my strongest coffee, two monstars and some B-12 vitimns one day when i had three in a row and winterhawk had tp come get me too. we are juniors man, two summer between us and college where we most certainly will die from because look at us now.**

 

**Gun.coffee.dad: kid i love you but that's depressing.**

 

**Arrow.coffee.dad: i know some therapist who are really good Peter, MJ once we get the queen better you both need help**

 

**Sexy: Ned too**

 

**Hater: i dpmt have a problem!**

 

**Sexy: you are worse that peter**

 

**Super-Twink; hey Clint your an adult how do you handle yourself**

 

**Arrow.coffee.dad: i drink too much coffee and beer, shoot thing and have a lot of adult time with my boyfriend.**

 

**Gun.coffee.dad: since when in Clint an adult. Kate and Lucky and me are still trying to stop him from dying ever other minute.**

 

**Arrow.coffee.dad: hey MJ we are out side you okay kid**

 

**MJ: yeh**

 

**=============================================================================================================================**

 

**sexy: seriously dude how did the auther just forget this fic and come back to serve the people this shit**

 

 


End file.
